In the era of NBA superteams, a popular…meme (?) is to visualize such teams like the Monstars. For any basketball fans who haven’t seen Space Jam (I’m assuming single digits here), the Monstars were a group of aliens from Moron Mountain. Mr. Swackhammer was looking for a new attraction for Moron Mountain as it was not profitable anymore and looked to add the Looney Tunes. Bugs Bunny accepted a challenge for a basketball game to determine the Tunes fate, but not before the aliens stole the powers of several NBA players (we’ll get to that). Bugs went out and kidnapped Michael Jordan and convinced him to play for the Tunes (already making Bugs a top tier GM, for what it’s worth).
The idea is that the Monstars are this big favorite, and it’s why the Warriors are jokingly compared to them. But for anyone who really knows basketball, it’s clear the Monstars built a deeply flawed basketball team that never stood a chance against MJ. So here are seven reasons that the Monstars are the most overrated basketball team of all-time. Note, I am assuming that since the story took place when Michael Jordan was off playing baseball, the events of Space Jam took place after the 93-94 season, but I’ll refer to 94-95 a bit. Also for reference, the Monstars are Pound (Charles Barkley), Bang (Larry Johnson), Nawt (Muggsy Bogues), Bupkis (Patrick Ewing) and Blanko (Shawn Bradley). I am also including the box score of “the Ultimate Game” at the end of the article.
1. The Monstars Didn’t Consider Team Building at All, They Just Put Together Some Stars
A lesson later proven with the 2004 U.S. Olympic Team, you can’t just put together a bunch of stars and expect to put together beautiful basketball. The Monstars have one defensive force (Ewing). Bogues at least could come up with steals, but he’s not exactly Gary Payton. Otherwise we have defensive zeros (Barkley, LJ) and someone who probably was posterized more than anyone else in NBA history (Bradley, although he’s defensively underrated I guess). Perimeter defense is a disaster here (LJ or Barkley at SG?!)
Outside shooting is also a mess. Bradley obviously contributes nothing there. Ewing had a nice outside game for a center, but not from three-point land. Bogues shot just 16% from three in ’94 (27.8% for his career, although he randomly has a 41.7% season on decent attempts later on). Johnson hadn’t cracked 30% from three yet at this point, although he would get up to 38.6% in ’95, a solid number. Barkley’s coming off a 27% season and never cracked 34% in his career (26.6% total). So far we have a below average defensive and outside shooting team.
Lastly, where’s the passing going to come from? While the offense can definitely flow through Barkley (4.6 APG in ’94), we have no other real playmakers other than Bogues. Ewing’s weakness was passing out of the post (as, according to Jack McCallum wrote in Dream Team, MJ would tease Ewing about often and cited that as the reason Ewing couldn’t win a ring). LJ could get some assists as well, but watching him I think it’s clear that passing the ball wasn’t a priority. Shawn Bradley is Shawn Bradley.
Overall, the main offense focus of the Monstars would be inside scoring with three inside scorers, Bradley and Bogues. Would that even work in the NBA today? For what it’s worth, the actual game against MJ and the Looney Tunes had Ewing and Barkley score 71 of the Monstars 77 points. LJ had 6 while Bogues and Bradley didn’t score a point (or take a shot). Bogues had six assists at least.
2. The Monstars had Shawn Bradley on the Team
Nothing reads best team of all-time like Shawn Bradley at center. While Bradley is a bit of an underrated talent, his rookie season averages in ’94 of 10 PPG, 6 RPG and 3 BPG weren’t scaring anyone. You hard do you think MJ laughed when he read the script and saw that the Monstars had Shawn Bradley at center? I also think it had to be a joke that Bradley’s character is named Blanko, and he failed to record a single stat in the entire game.
3. The Monstars had a Clear Talent Advantage, And Allowed Some Embarrassing Baskets
Despite the Monstars having Bradley and the Tunes having MJ, the Monstars clearly had a massive talent advantage on paper. Afterall, Bugs, Lola et al. never had even played a game of basketball before. While we knew this would be all MJ for the Tunes coming in, he got some contributions from the supporting cast that the Monstars simply have no excuse for. Lola Bunny dropped 8 on 4/4 FG. Bugs had 10 with a few assists. Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd and Pepé Le Pew all managed baskets (if only the Monstars stole Gary Payton’s powers).
The defensive contributions of the Looney Tunes were also somewhat impressive. Bupkis/Ewing got his shot blocked by Wile E. Coyote’s dynamite (interestingly, Wile E. isn’t credited with the block. I’m sure that screwed up some people’s fantasy teams). The Looney Tunes stepped up and the Monstars allowed a lot of characters without the same basketball pedigree to beat them. Very embarrassing.
4. The Monstars Allowed Newman From Seinfeld (Stan) To Score A Basket
Worth its own section. This is more embarrassing than Fudd or Le Pew for sure. The Monstars fouled him and all but it didn’t matter. This was a clutch basket as it put the Tunes within one point as well.
5. The Monstars Blew a 66-18 Half-Time Lead
Ouch. Worst yet, they scored 11 points in the 2nd half, which means the Tunes let up less in the 2nd half than the Stars let up in the 1st half. It’s worth noting that while allowing 18 in a half is impressive, scoring 66 is truthfully nothing special in a game like this. MJ is great, but is he really come back down 48 at the half great? Speaking of which…
6. Jordan Didn’t Have Pippen, and He Won Anyway
Michael Jordan didn’t even have his trusty superstar wingman with him here. I know a lot of people like to say Jordan couldn’t win without Pippen, but the proof is right here. We don’t know how Lola Bunny’s skills would translate to today’s game, but I doubt it would be at the level of Scottie. Teams have taken down Jordan before (the ’86 Celtics, ’95 Magic). The Monstars, like the Trail Blazers and Suns before them, and the Sonics and Jazz after, couldn’t.
7. Perhaps the Most Overlooked Reason That Shows The Monstars Are Overrated: No Monstar Has Ever Won a Ring.
The biggest mistake of the aliens? Picking players who couldn’t get the job done. Barkley got close but Jordan took him down in ’93. Ewing just failed in ’94, and Jordan had stopped him plenty of times. Closest LJ would get is being a role player for the ’99 Knicks when they lost in the Finals. Bradley and Bogues never sniffed a ring. We understand how important the ring is for historical purposes…so how can this team be considered so great when all of its players never won it all? (MJ had won three at this point).
The Looney Tunes were the favorite as soon as they got MJ. Don’t let anyone else tell you differently.
