2006 December to Dismember
Originally Posted on 2/27/2014
December 3, 2006
Augusta, GA

Background: It is quite incredible how badly WWE botched the initial vision of the ECW Brand. Starting with the Rise and Fall of ECW Documentary in 2004, ECW still had an opportunity to make bucketloads of money in professional wrestling. For all intents and purposes, that idea dies with December to Dismember 2006. While ECW on SyFy would actually be a fun show later on, and actually be the show that leads to NXT, at the time, fans thought ECW would be the Touchstone Pictures to WWE’s Disney. From June 2006, the 2^nd One Night Stand Pay-Per-View, to December 2006, every former ECW wrestler, except for maybe sorta [b]Rob Van Dam[/b] was pushed to the side for the WWE’s version of “extreme” wrestlers. That will be clear in the main event of the PPV. I remember this one being a bad one, so let’s see if that vision remains.

The main story revolves around Bobby Lashley, as he had moved to ECW to be the new big face of the brand. Lashley would last seven more months in WWE. Big Show had been ECW Champion since late June due to the South Philly Screwjob. To be fair, that was RVD’s fault.

The fact that this show is in August, GA is probably as good as indicator that ECW has missed the mark.

The fact that it is a mere 2 hours and 14 minutes is another bad sign.

The Card

The idea of the Extreme Elimination Chamber…I think is actually pretty good. A lot of hardcore stuff can happen in a Chamber. It usually would happen to Chris Jericho though.

Joey Styles mentions that Augusta was best knows for Golf’s Masters. Sounds Extreme!

He also just said a new ECW Champion will be crowned. How’s that for a spoiler. Unless Show was stripped up the title ahead of time and I don’t remember.

The Hardy Boyz vs. MNM

This was one of two matches advertised beforehand, and none of these men are even in ECW. The Hardyz made an open challenge that was actually answered by the Voodoo Kin Mafia (New Age Outalws) in TNA. MNM reunited to accept.

Melina’s entrance is pretty awesome. Why hasn’t a Diva copied it yet?

Good start with Mercury and Matt Hardy. I don’t know what Mercury’s personal life was like at the time, but it seems like he’s excited to be on Pay-Per-View, like he’s getting a 2^nd chance or something.

The fact that Nitro can do a standing Shooting Star Press is ridiculous.

Nitro and Jeff Hardy were trading the IC Title around this time I believe as well, which makes this match make more sense in storyline context.

There are a lot of great double team moves happening here. If MNM got bigger, the Hardyz vs. MNM would have been one of those Dream Matches mentioned somewhere down the line.

I can’t believe Johnny Nitro, John Morrison didn’t become a bigger star than he was. I know he can’t talk, but he literally has everything else from a wrestling standpoint.

Melina just screamed and it was horrifying. Absolutely horrifying.

Nice double vertical suplex reversed into a double neckbreaker by Matt Hardy. It is interesting that these four are having a good tag team match that isn’t involving a lot of high flying stuff.

Awesome heel spot with Mercury setting up the Twist of Fate and Morrison teasing the Swanton, but Matt countered. They did a Poetry in Motion right before as well.

Here comes the high flying stuff! Nitro and Jeff Hardy hit over the top rope dives to the floor onto the others.

Melina needs to stop screaming. It’s distracting to the match.

Surprised WWE Network didn’t block out Melina yelling out “Crack Whore”.

The Hardy Boyz def. MNM when Jeff pinned Nitro at 22:33. The finish is awesome. Nitro accidentally dropkicks Melina off the apron, and Jeff gets a near-fall. MNM hit the Snapshot (a great double team move) on Jeff, but matt just breaks up the count in time. MNM goes for a top rope Snapshot…but Matt breaks it up and hits a double Diamond Cutter to MNM off the rope. Swanton on both MNM members then Jeff pins Nitro for the three. Very good match. Knowing that this PPV ends to early, they shoulda let them go 10 more minutes.

Striker’s Rules Match: Matt Striker vs. Balls Mahoney

I do think the Matt Striker teacher gimmick was pretty solid. It seemed like a take off of Steve Corino.

Striker says this will be an Extreme Enforcement of the Rules match. No top rope moves, no eye goughing, no foul language. I mean, it’s not like Balls Mahoney is coming off the top anyway…

Striker has a picture of his face on his ass. I hope that isn’t the highlight of the match.

Joey Styles and Tazz keep hyping up Balls Mahoney’s amateur background. Look, if the aspect we are selling about Balls Mahoney is his wrestling ability, once again, we’ve missed the point.

I was wrong. Mahoney to the top! Striker shakes the top rope though. This match sucks by the way.

Give the crowd credit. They are behind Balls.

Balls Mahoney def. Matt Striker by pin in 7:12. Balls got the pin after the Ball Breaker (although they don’t call it that). I understand the lack of weapons in the opener. But Balls Mahoney was called the Chair Swingin’ freak for a reason. This match was boring and was not good.

Now for the worst moment of the show I think: Sabu found unresponsive backstage. Fans chant bullshit. Will Sabu make it to the Chamber?!?!

Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay vs. Little Guido Maritato and Tony Mamaluke

Burke cuts a promo about the Elijah Experience. I didn’t like Burke at all in his whole WWE run…but I loved his TNA run as the Pope.

I forgot about Trinity!

I hate that Taz is trying to be Jerry Lawler on commentary. He’s not good at it.

Little Guido owns. Always has. He steals Burke’s beanie hat and wears it himself. It’s funnier to see than it is to read here, I promise.

Terkay almost botched throwing Little Guido over the top rope. So much for putting that power on display.

The FBI are the faces here right? I just realized that although the FBI had never been faces. But it surely isn’t Burke and Terkay.

I don’t see why I am supposed to care about anyone in the ring. I care about Little Guido by default. If this match was supposed to put over Burke and Terkay, it isn’t doing a good job.

Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay def. The FBI when Burke pinned Mamaluke in 6:41. Burke uses the Elijah Experience, AKA the Stroke or the Skull Crushing Finale for the win. Terkay nails Guido with a Muscle Buster at the end. Take that Samoa Joe! Match was okay at best. No surprise Terkay didn’t last.

Sabu’s heading to the hospital! He might have a broken neck!

Daivari vs. Tommy Dreamer

Here comes Muhammad Hassan! No, it’s just Daivari. I never understood how Hassan had to go but Daivari kept his job doing the same exact gimmick. He also has The Great Khali with him. Khali just debuted back in May and destroyed Undertaker for a bit. Now he’s in Daivari’s corner n the ECW PPV. He’d be World Heavyweight Champ six months later. Wrestling is weird that way.

Poor Tommy Dreamer. Maybe we’ll get a chair shot in this one!

On commentary they are talking about the Sabu deal, and I totally forgot that Paul Heyman was actually a heel here.

Tommy Dreamer clearly sees Khali pull down the top rope but he goes flying over anyway. Ref saw it too and sends Khali to the back.

We get a “fuck’em up Dreamer, fuck’em up” chant. Yeah. I don’t think there will be any fucking up tonight.

Daivari def. Tommy Dreamer by pin at 7:22. Dreamer was gaining some momentum with a tree of woe dropkick. Crowd was behind him. Goes for the DDT, but Daivari escapes and uses a roll up…a fucking roll up with the tights being held to get the win. Dreamer runs after Daivari which leads to Khali meeting Dreamer on the ramp. He does the double choke bomb and Dreamer crashes hard on the ramp. Pretty damn sick move to be fair. Who knew Khali would have the most Extreme moment on the show so far? Match was pretty uneventful. Tommy Dreamer putting over Daivari on an ECW Pay-Per-View isn’t a good decision.

Poor Dreamer.

Heyman inserts [b]Hardcore Holly[/b] to replace Sabu in the Chamber. Fans boo. Hell, I think even WWE fans would didn’t care for ECW would boo. I would boo. And I like Hardcore Holly.

Mike Knox and Kelly Kelly vs. Kevin Thorn and Ariel

Knox’s theme music is the same that they used for a promo video of when Jim Ross kissed Vince McMahon’s ass and Undertaker turned heel.

Kelly Kelly wishes CM Punk good luck in the Chamber, much to the chagrin to Mike Knox. Damn, CM really stands for chick magnet doesn’t it?

Kelly Kelly’s gimmick is an exhibitionist. Boy fans were disappointed by that one.

Is it just me, or is Ariel a lot hotter than Kelly?

Why didn’t WWE keep Ariel? She could wrestle. Had a great look.

Ariel and Kevin Thorn def. Mike Knox and Kelly Kelly when Ariel pinned Kelly in 7:43. Mike Knox heel turn! Crowd chants CM Punk. Knox leaves Kelly and she doesn’t stand a chance against Ariel. To be honest, this was the rare match that would have been better if it was just the women. But it wasn’t terrible.

The Sandman shows up. Gets a good reaction and beats the crap out of Thorn. I assume this was all setting up the New Breed vs. Originals feud in 2007? But it was a solid segment.

Bobby Lashley interview. Crowd boos, of course.

Let me say something about Big Show before the main event. You can tell here that he was hurting and very out of shape. Probably why he took a year off after this. That and he’s in the Chamber for like 3 minutes.

ECW Title Match: Extreme Elimination Chamber: Big Show© vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Test vs. Rob Van Dam vs. CM Punk vs. Bobby Lashley

[b]Paul Heyman[/b] comes out first. He’s about to cut a promo, which apparently he told Big Show backstage before this that he was so upset about the show and how it was going that for the first time ever he didn’t want to come out for it.

Heyman actually calls the six men in the match the six greatest ECW superstars ever. I wonder how sick that line made him.

I believe this is the last time we see Paul Heyman until he comes in to aid Brock Lesnar in 2012.

Once again, I think the match idea is great. This match has loads of potential.

Champ Big Show is here first. He takes the pod with the barbed wire bat.

CM Punk is next. Crowd is clearly on his side. Punk takes the pod with a chair.

Here comes Test. Him and Big Show are on the same side in the story. Test takes the crowbar pod.

Taz mentions he’s wrestled some crowbars. Was that an undercard match on Flair vs. Broomstick?

Bobby Lashley time! And the crowd goes mild! I do think Lashley was fine in everything he did before ECW. He takes the table pod.

That means we start with RVD vs. Hardcore Holly.

Looks like Holly is also on the Show-Test-Heyman team!

RVD does some nice Spiderman spots. Does a springboard press, but misses Holly and catches the chains of the chamber. He misses the 2^nd press and hangs himself up on the top rope.

RVD hits a Rolling Thunder over the top rope onto Hardcore Holly and the steel. Holly vs. RVD has been an entertaining five minutes.

CM Punk is in. He does a Sabu throwing chair spot to Hardcore Holly, then a springboard clothesline. RVD gets his revenge, doing a real Sabu throwing chair spot which hits Punk perfectly on the head.

It’s a shame we never got RVD vs. Punk in a major program.

Punk sends RVD into the corner with a chair propped up. This match is getting good!

Holly takes control, gets a superplex on Punk.

Predictably Test is next, and nails Punk with the crowbar and then tries to skin RVD with it (RVD had been busted open). RVD is starting to get chair happy, nailing both Test and Holly before hitting Punk with the skateboard.

Five Star Frog Splash to Punk and Punk is gone. Wrong man to go first, but it was smart to make RVD the one to do it to minimize the boos.

Test nails Holly with a big boot and surprisingly eliminates him.

RVD goes to the rope of Show’s pod, but Show holds RVD’s foot down. Test hits two chair shots then sends RVD crashing to the mat. He puts a chair on RVD’s face, then drops the elbow from the top of the pod. Test eliminates RVD. Great spot. Horrible result, as the two guys who were most over with the crowd are the first two of the first three out. “Where’s my refund” chants start up.

Heyman’s riot guys keep Lashley in his pod when he’s supposed to get out, but Lashley uses the table to break through the chains on the roof (wha?). Lashley beats the crap out of Test, slamming him through one of the pods (which because of the table left in there doesn’t really create the same impact it normally does). Test eventually is gone after a Lashley spear.

We await the Lashley-Big Show confrontation. Lashley is throwing furniture at Big Show’s pod.

When Big Show gets in, he beats on Lashley’s chair with the barbed wire bat. It eventually gets caught in the chains and he loses it. Lashley promptly throws Big Show through a pod.

Bobby Lashley wins the ECW Title and Extreme Elimination Chamber, last defeating Big Show at 24:42.Lashley counters a Show Chokeslam into a DDT. Eventually Lashley hits a spear and gets the pin. There is a small crowd pop there. Then it gets all silent.

Gotta love how the table was just used to break through the pod and nothing else.

The match isn’t awful, but the people and booking decisions surrounding the match made it a lot worse. The crowd did not want to see Bobby Lashley beat up Test before finishing off the Big Show to win the title.

The opener was fun. But then the next four matches are completely whatever. In fact, all of them are matches that belonged on TV and not PPV. Dreamer losing to Daivari served what purpose exactly? Were they really pushing Daivari? Other than the opener and the main event, there were no videos to promote why these matches were happening (although the Mixed Tag had a storyline to it at least).

There are some bright spots though. Opener was very good. Sandman appearance was okay. Extreme Chamber was pretty okay quality wise.

And that’s enough to avoid a flat out F for me.

Note: After I posted this, I learned either through Hardcore Holly’s book or Sabu’s Talk is Jericho…I don’t remember which…that Sabu failed a drug test and that’s why he was taken out of the Chamber. Doesn’t change anything grade wise, but it’s interesting to note.

Final Grade: D